THE NEWS

--First off, Ethan wants to know if there are any out-of-town Penguin bars a la the Steelers, especially in the Baltimore area. If anyone knows of such a beast, please email mondesishouse@gmail.com and I'll post it.

--Ethan also added a great link/commentary in his email: "The LA Kings were tied-for-worst in the league this year, but they're raising season ticket prices next year. They're also creating an all-you-can-eat section. They're basically the Buccos of the NHL."

Not quite. Let's talk when the Kings have 15 consecutive losing seasons.

--Maxim has a new nickname for the Pirates. I'm almost afraid to click on it.

--Health issues resolved, safety Ryan Clark is back with the first team. And just when we were warming up to Anthony Smith.

--Happy 25th birthday, Lee Elia tirade!

--As long as you’re not killing nobody or getting anybody shot at and going to jail, you're OK with Emmitt Smith.

--The Dallas Cowboys will be featured on HBO's Hard Knocks documentary series. FINALLY, some well-deserved exposure for the Cowboys.

--Ryan Reynolds has officially taken Scarlett Johansson off the market.

--With our economy in the crapper, many people are turning to online auctions and Craigslist to pay the bills.

--That disfigured bald eagle is finally going to get a bionic beak.

--What's really going on with the WWE's Ashley Massaro?

--Congrats go out to Lindsay Lohan, recently voted "The Dumbest Person in Hollywood".

--Rocket belts and training, now only $125,000!